:)

Hi there.

I would recommend the book "Decision Making and the Will of God". It will really help you.

I have been a disciple for over 16 years and what I have learned through scripture is the following "There is no such thing as a "soul mate". Now, this may seem a bit unromatic and un-Disney, however, God has chosen to reveal to us in scriputre that we must marry other disciples and He gives us the wisdom to pick a disciple who is also responsible etc. We can pick whomever we choose in those catagories.  We can also choose to stay single. It doesn't matter one way or the other.  As you study the Word, you will see that this is true.  This also goes for "Where should I work?" or "Where should I go to school?"

God sets certain standards that are to be obeyed and then He gives us wisdom to make wise choices. Within these boundaries, we are truely free to choose.

Enjoy the search.

I would also reccomend Douglas Jacoby's website for more study on this matter.

Sisters

First of all, we do not choose or pick our future spouses, soul mates, husbands, etc., that task is reserved for GOD alone.  I find when we start meddling in GOD's business we tend to mess things up.  Not relying on GOD's perfect will for our lives sends the message that we know better than HIM.  The scriptures says, HE WHO SEEKS A WIFE, NOT SHE WHO SEEKS A HUSBAND.  Sisters sit back, relax and allow GOD to do HIS job.  Our only job is to continue praying for the wisdom and the insightfulness needed so when HE places that amazing Man of GOD in front of us, we will know.  In the meantime, stop asking for that perfect brother, in reality are we perfect sisters?  The answer is no, we are all flawed, so my beautiful sisters please lets all remove those planks from our own eyes and start enjoying the brothers in Christ that GOD has placed in your lives.  You never know who's watching you...BE A BLESSING IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS ALWAYS...

All the best for a safe and joyous holiday season...

Jen (AKA Sushigirl)

Why are there so few marriages in the church? There are singles in the church for 5,10,15 years and are never married. The women can not do anything about it because scripturally is is the man that should seek a wife. So should the finger be pointed at the brothers for the lack of marriages in the church? How can a woman go out on a date every weekend for 5,10,15 years and still be single. Many women left their fiancees and boyfriends in the world to seek the kingdom but still aren't engaged or married and with out child. It tempts sisters because we know it's not good to be unequally yoked but according to 1 cornintians a sister can be married to a non believer and through that marriage the unbeliever may become sanctified. I'm so confused?? There's nothing in the bible stating how a sister or brother should date. So why do we have so many man made rules on dating each saturday and nothing comes out of it? We should speak where the bible speak and be silent where the bible is silent. Aren't we adding to the bible? If I am wrong please clarify.

Lolade,

I'm responding to your post of May 30, 2009. I'm wonderin' the same thing sista. I've been a single disciple for about 15 years and still haven't found the answer to this. The only difference with me is that I don't want to have kids. It's puzzling to say the least. If you find the answer let me know!

Chasikya

1 corinthians refers to people who are married with husband/wife from the world and
that they should not divorce that marriage because it is possible that the
husband/wife might come to faith also... But that doesnt mean the husband/wife is saved
automatically, they still need to decide themselves.
I think Paul urges people who are married and come to faith but their spouse doesnt come
to faith... that they should not divorce that marriage immediately... but be patient.

It's different topic from that if we can marry a non-believer hoping he/she is coming to faith.

i dunno exactly why there are so few marriages in the church. i talked to one disciple who
sayed that the more you in the church are and the longer you single are the more used to it
you can be... just used to it and not taking initiative any more to build relationships.
i believe this should change. But where should these changes start? What do you think, lolade?

Marks ,we should not get used to being single. Why did God create Eve for Adam.?Adam saw every creature had a mate. The bible never ,never.never speaks on dating, the dating in ICOC is fully man made. No one in the bible took diffrent brothers and sisters out every saturday. If so please point me out to that passage. I never read anywhere in the bible that you must have a 6 months courtship,once again a man made rule. I never read that you get marriage according to your spirtual growth,your weight or "How sharp you are" in the bible. The bible give many postive reason for marriage and becoming one spiritualy. Why do have to get permission "AKA advice" to date and marry? I never read of this in the bible anywhere. If we are the true church of christ we should have more married couples than singles. No one is warned before coming it to the church that you have to jump hoops to get married , in which is not scriptural. The leaders that say it ok to be single are the same ones that are already married, how ironic is that. I think the solution is brothers wanting to marry express there interest to sisters that want the same. Do you know how many sisters like the same brothers? I had two roommates that wanted to date the same brother.It causes tension amongst us.We have too many "middle men" in the church.  Many sisters are not struggling with lust but the longing to be a spouse and a mother. We need open forums monthly in our local churches and express our thoughts and concerns with out being labled and being sinful,prideful and etc......We have too many closed door meetings.Why do leaders place a guilt trip when it comes to our desires? God wants to answer our prayers for our desires. Once again we need to SPEAK where the bible SPEAK and BE SILENT where the bible is SILENT. Do not add to or subtract from the scriptures.

Dear sister,

Maybe I'm not to speak here cause I'm married. If so or if I somehow hurt your feelings, please, excuse me.

I agree that to have a date only once a week on Saturday is a man-made rule. I'd not even call it a rule but a tradition. In our church many singles, if they wish, can have a so called date on any weekday or Sunday - just whenever they want. And I know of singles who date not just to spend time but with a definite purpose to find a wife/husband and tell each other about that.

If I can say some words about dating 6 months before getting married, I can agree with you that there are no examples of this very period of dating in the Bible but there are lots of examples of the wisdom of getting advice. I know couples in our church who got married before the end of that period - 4 months or 5 months - despite the leadership's advice and who are now happy in their marriages. But in most cases, according to my experience, if the couple is not adviced to get married, there are objective reasons for that and they really'd better to wait.

I believe we need to seek to please God first and not just blindly follow the rules or traditions. And I think, you've got a very seeking heart, which pleases God, if you not just rely on what you're told but seek your own answers in the Bible and His rules, not man's. I hope God'll bless your search.

Lolade and sisters

I have had this same discussion with leadership in the NYC church during my six years as a disciple.  Long ago the church was more concerned with numbers, meaning quantity rather than quality.  Disciples were forced to convert and bring as many as they could to GOD. Believe it or not there were quotas.  To fill these quotas folks were taken into the waters of baptism that were not ready or mature enough to make that decision.  These individuals who eventually fell away were mostly men, hence their low numbers and presence in the church.  There are fewer marriages because the ratio of marriage minded sisters to marriage minded brothers is so great.  Leadership agrees that mistakes were made in the past.  So what do we single sisters who desire to be married do, you ask? First we need and must pray for an increase, evangelize and not be afraid to speak to our neighbors, co-workers or the stranger on the train about Jesus. You never know, you could invite someone to church who could be your future husband or even the future husband of a friend.  Sisters the most important thing to remember is when you invite these individuals to church and they express an open heart to study the bible is to first take a step back and then turn them over to a spiritually mature brother and let GOD do what HE does best.  I too left a boyfriend in the world when I got baptized, unfortunately he did not want to follow GOD, so he had to go.  But sisters remember being a disciple does not guarantee marriage.  A few years ago I invited a friend to church, he studied the bible and eventually he was baptized.  He's been a disciple for the past four years, has gone steady twice (once with a friend of mine) and if its GOD's will he would like to get married.  He is my brother in Christ and I am so thankful to GOD that I was used to bring him to Jesus.  I pray something I shared will help you.  Please don't be bitter, just know that GOD is using this time to transform you into the woman mentioned in Proverbs 31.

Blessings and love always...Jennifer aka "sushigirl"

Well said Sushigirl.

Chasikya