I am just thinking 'out loud' here. 

Maybe we need to rethink how we interact with the opposite gender?  For so long in the Kingdom, our relationships were defined by protecting eachother.  Did we protect too much?  It seemed to me that if one had a good friendship with someone of the opposite gender that one of them thought it was going further since good friendships with the opposite gender seemed to be reserved for dating couples.

Is that where we went wrong? 

Sisters: do I understand correctly that it is a challenge to have faith that God will provide a husband for you when you can hardly have a conversation with a brother for what ever the reason?  If so, would having good friendships with the opposite gender satisfy the majority of your needs for relationships with the brothers?  If that is true, can we have friendships and not hurt our relationship with God if the two are not wanting the same level of relationship?

Brothers, would being able to have a good friendship with a sister without the pressure to go further make it easier and more natural?  Can we be gentle to our sisters and always communicate our intentions clearly and with love?

Can we talk honestly to either about what we basically are wanting from a friendship without losing a friend?  Can we handle someone that we want more of a relationship with telling us that they just want to be friends?  Would some clear communication in that regards allow us to build some great friends and learn from eachother and build up our relationship with God?  Rather than destroy it because we did not hear what we wanted to hear?  I am certainly not getting rid of marriage by any means.

Can we remain Holy for God and keep God first in our lives, and also have great friendships with the opposite gender?

Could this make Saturday nights (in particular) a time where we can spend time with our friends.  Serve eachother and encourage one another.  Is this a way we can protect eachother from the world and also gain amazing friends?

I have my opinion, but I am hoping that we can have some open, loving, diaolgue about the subject before I share what I am thinking (although you can likely guess just from what I am asking.)

With Love, from YBIC,

Jason

Hi Jason,

Glad you brought up this subject..

For some reason, it continues to be hard for brothers and sisters to develop friendships with each other.  I'm trying to build friendships with brothers (part of why I joined this site), but it's hard.  In so many ways, it doesn't seem much different in the Kingdom than in the world, where you may not be sure if a friend of the opposite sex has an interest in you, or if you do have an interest in someone, how would they react?  Some time ago, I met a brother from another church and we started talking on the phone.  We went on a date, and I had a bad feeling he was interested in me (he was).  So I turned down a second date, and told him I could only see him as a friend.  We haven't spoken since.  Mine is not the only incident of this.  We have tried to have hangouts in the Singles ministry, this has helped brothers and sisters to interact with each other more, but it seems like brothers don't come out to these things much.  I can't really think of any solutions to the issue beyond what has already been done.  It is discouraging.

YSIC, Kelly

Great thoughts!

About friendship between brother and sister. I believe the main thing is to stay pure and not to bring
too much drama in relationship.
I would also to encourage not to point our fingers to our brothers or sisters... we make mistakes even
as disciples. Some people can get romantic very fast. They can get disappointed when they don't get the
response they want... and sometimes it is good when they even break the friendship and take time to recover.
They would rather need support and also some wisdom how to build relationships. Thats how i see it.
Have faith to each other.

Rom.12,10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Marks, I agree with you about taking time to recover and learn. It seems to me though, that one of the things the brother should learn is to slow down. Developing a platonic friendship is a necessary step before romance, IF it happens at all. Indeed, some people can get romantic very fast. I think it is an insensitive posture for a brother to pursue an interest quickly. I think with proper understanding and training of our emotions we can mature beyond our youthful infatuations and crushes. We ought to be sensitive and take all of sisters' gestures as friendships gestures (at least for a while), even if our emotions try to mislead us. We, as brothers, should be in control of, and not controlled by, our emotions. I honestly do not know at what point both decide they mutually want to take it further. Am not really worried about it now either. The romantic relationship would not succeed anyway without a friendship at the base. Becoming a friend and being a good brother is my focus. If anything does happen to develop with a sister, it'll be a pleasant surprise. (For a while though-for myself only-I am not open to it.) Perhaps we CAN learn to discuss deeper things more openly, but that too comes with time, friendship, and trust.

Love, YBIC, Ed

This is a subject close to my heart! I was divorced 18 months ago after 13 years of marriage to a disciple who lost her faith and some time after the divorce I wanted to get involved in the Saturday night 'date nights' that were the norm when I was a baby Christian. This has now changed for the worse. 15 years ago Saturday night was set aside as a night for the brothers to encourage the sisters with no worry of expectation or romantic purposes, it was just an incredible time of brothers taking the lead and encouraging the sisters and therefore no pressure and consequently dating and marriage occured naturally, but now this has almost disapeared (at least in my Church) Bothers hang with brothers and sisters hang out with sisters who get frustrated and hopeless by the lack of potential partners. This has led in my experience to the sisters actually getting very independant and being very slow to trust or open up. Brothers need to take the lead in this and make sure the sisters get encouraged and looked after for no other reason that it is the right thing to do. I remember looking forward to Saturday nights and being amazed at the sisters in the church. This may need a kick start by the leadership but come on brothers lets lead the way.

Paul (UK)

All you do and say is good practic, Edmendez! :) The question for me is do we share it with other brothers, do we talk this with brothers and help them. What do we talk with each other when brothers meet with brothers and sisters meet sisters. Do brothers help and teach brothers how to love sisters and do the sisters teach and help each other to respect brothers. Seems to me its a need when i read this posts.

Marks-Thank you and very good questions. The need you indicated seems related to Proverbs 15:22. As I indicated, am learning the hows of friendship myself.  As I learn, I will share, (as I hope you will) but I would ask the particulars to your leaders and the happy and succesful steady & married couples in your congregation. They would know.  That's the best I could say.  Taking sisters out as kingfestus indicated sounds great to me, whether it be via Saturday night 'date nights'  or by spiritual brothers not waiting for something formal to be set up and just meeting the need (doubledating).

YBIC

Ed M.

My apologies for joining this conversation a wee bit late, but am new to this website and am a "toddler" disciple at just over a year now! I am 46yrs old and never married, so my thoughts are coming from a slightly different perspective!

In my humble opinion, I think there is far too much "separation" between genders within the body of the Singles Ministry at large. I understand and am in wholehearted agreement with "absolute purity" between brothers and sisters, but I think that gets over used, and to some extent "abused" as it can be a tool for legalism within the church! Granted, there are things that brothers should only be talking to brethers about and so on, but we lose a critical aspect of our lives as single disciples and that is UNITY! We are called by God to live in a spirit of unity and peace with one another and I think we lose that when we don't develop good, healthy, intimate (not physically) friendships within the body...men AND women! Close friendships with the opposite gender do not and should not be limited to dating/engaged couples only! If you want to discourage and disenhearten a disciple, male or female, limiting or "dictating" who they can be friends with or not is a surefire way to do it (sorry...soapbox again!).

I am a Paramedic and I work in a predominantly "male" environment, so establishing relationships (friendships) with other men has always been easier for me than other sisters. I am extremely comfortable in "their world", but by the same token, I realize that I must also develop the same relationships with other sisters. In my local congregation, it is a rare thing for a single brother to ask a single sister out on a "date" and that has become a source of discouragement for the remaining single "non-dating" sisters in our group...myself included! I guess what I'm trying to say here is that brothers...you need to take the LEAD here and establish good, solid friendships with not only other brothers, but the sisters as well! We too crave, deep meaningful relationships that don't have to be dating in nature! Not every male/female relationship need to be dating ones!! I speak from personal experience! One of my closest, dearest friends is a brother that I work with in the ER, who reached out to me nearly two years ago! We hang out...go out to eat...decompress after a bad day at work...have deep, meaningful, GODLY conversations...push one another...sharpen one another...get mad at each other...are open and honest with each other...trust each other (a hard thing for me to do with anyone!). While we each know and have shared much of who we are; the good, the bad, and the really ugly, we have maintained a close friendship without compromising our faith or integrity as disciples! I cherish this brother's friendship dearly and am committed to continuing it...though he is now in a dating relationship with a sister who is also my dearest friend, the nature of our relationship has changed, but the fact remains I can still call him my "big bruddah" and best friend because we worked very hard at establishing our friendship as disciples! We don't hang out as much these days, and admittedly, that has been a little challenging to deal with, but he's building his relationship with his girlfriend and I MUST respect that and maintain what I call "a very strong sense of the appropriate".

Bottom line...we need each other...we are called to unity...men and women!!

Peace and Blessings...

Lisa