| Home | Members | Search | Church Locator | Blogs | Photos | Videos | Groups | Events | Message Boards | "Live Chat" | Global Prayers |
New Topic
Post Reply
Flag/Unflag
Hey there married men and women,
How's the married life? Was wondering if there are any successfully married couples out there that got married without having to date a million people first. If you are comfortable sharing this information, please explain exactly what steps you took to go from single, dating, engaged, to married. Thanks!
Aron
Well, if I understand correctly what you meant, I was a girlfriend of only one brother whose wife I am now. But I dated lots of brothers, I mean, one brother - one date, before, because when I fell in love with my husband it took 3 years for him to notice me and fall in love with me)) If my story meets this topic, I will gladly share it. Please, let me know.
Not exactly... What was your name again? Is it ludicrous? "One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Chesire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. Her response was a question. "Where do you want to go?" "I don't know, "Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
LEWIS CARROLL, ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Hey there married men and women,
How's the married life? Was wondering if there are any successfully married couples out there that got married without having to date a million people first. If you are comfortable sharing this information, please explain exactly what steps you took to go from single, dating, engaged, to married. Thanks!
Aron
Hey Aron, I am married. Our marriage is doing really really good right now. I didn't 'have' to date a million people before I got married but I did go on a bunch of dates. Some sisters and I went out a few times. Most just once. I was on a mission to get married. I went on 2 and sometimes 3 dates a week. The sisters were outnumbered so I was being a servant you see, ha.
The vast majority of 'Successfully married couples' I know have done something similar to this. Prior to dating in the kingdom my dating experiences were quite different.
To successfully be married, you must first successfully be engaged. To be successfully be engaged you must first successfully date. This has been my experience anyway. We reap what we sow. Hope this was helpful.
In unity w/ love, Byron
Thanks Byron,
For the benefit of those who are reading this could please elaborate on a deeper level? What kind of person does one have to BE, to DO what you do and to HAVE what you have?
BE what was your state of mind, mentally, physically, and spritually? what did you wear, how did you smell, how did you prepare yourself, etc (Explain it to us like you're teaching someone who has never gone on a date 3 times in a week before)
DO How did you walk the walk and talk the talk?
HAVE What were your beliefs, values, image, etc at the time?
Thanks Byron,
For the benefit of those who are reading this could please elaborate on a deeper level?
Taking it a little deeper...
Hey Aron, I had to check out your profile to see where you were from because of different cultures. You are from Canada which because of proximity, would have a culture not much different from mine (U.S.A.) I would think but am open to being wrong. You've been a disciple for 10 years or so right? O.K. I'll try to take it a little deeper.
What kind of person does one have to BE, and...
I am only one man so take whatever I say with a grain of salt ok?
Be yourself but don't be yourself, BE YOURSELF... Relax, don't try to be someone you're not. You wouldn't want to marry someone and find out later that she is someone totally different from who you thought she was. Show her the same courtesy.
Now also, DON"T BE YOURSELF. What I mean is this...Aron, you must hate your life, you must crucify your sinful nature, you must renew your mind to be like Jesus and not like Aron. SO don't be who you used to be (put your old ways behind you - put off your old self .
to DO what you do?
Do what you want to do but don't do what you want to do - If you are talking about what you do when you go on dates then the important thing is to have fun and get to know your date, Free is always good. My wife and I went on a lot of 'cheap dates' because it wasn't in my budget to spend a lot of money. But that is better than spending a lot of money on dates and to get married and no longer go on dates because you have no money. My wife and I still go on dates once a week (married 11 years now!).
I still get her door when she gets in the car or entering a building. That is a little thing to do but makes her feel secure.
Treat her w/ the utmost respect - as God's daughter - when you take her home drop her off as if God himself was waiting at the door for his daughter to be brought back safely.
When we went on a date we always prayed together. This is a really good idea. .
,
to HAVE what you have
Have what you want to have but be willing to give up everything. What you have shouldn't be as important as who you are. Unless you are wanting to marry someone who is materialistic and then you'll continually by trying to buy her stuff to make her happy.
One thing you don't want to have is debt.
The #1 reason for divorce is money issues, So - be getting out of debt - if you have any- www.daveramsey.com.
Surrender
what was your state of mind, mentally, physically, and spritually?
My state of mind was 'Total Surrender' My attitude was that finding a wife is a good thing. and that God withholds no good thing and that apart from God I have no good thing. So my personal relationship w/ God was priority numero uno. And I was confident that God would provide a wife for me if it was his will and I believed it was. but you have to be open to the idea that even if you never got a wife and if all you had was God - WOULD GOD BE ENOUGH?
Physically? Well the sisters aren't going to like this one, but I didn't work out. I was lazy. I respect those who do work out and I think that women for the most part do to. So if you don't work out I would advise you to start working out. But understand that this advice is coming from someone who doesn't work out.
DATING 101:
what did you wear, how did you smell, how did you prepare yourself, etc (Explain it to us like you're teaching someone who has never gone on a date 3 times in a week before)
Wear clothes that match.
Don't stink.
Put gel in your hair.
Shave occasionally. (I was trying to insert a little humor here)
Wear what is appropriate for the occasion.
If it is really hot outside, wear shorts.
If you are going somewhere nice, dress nice.
Communicate w/ you your dates where you will be going and what you will be doing so they can feel comfortable w/ you.
Walk the Walk
DO How did you walk the walk and talk the talk?
Share how your day was, about your family and friends.
Be humble ask her opinion on things. Share your weaknesses. Be pure so you can talk pure. Read your bible every day. Pray everyday. Draw close to God. Be Righteous but not Religious.
Talk about anything and everything (Sexual sins / topics should be completely off limits).
What were your beliefs, values, image, etc at the time?
I believed that God loved me and wanted the best for me. I believed that no matter what I had done in the past - they don't matter anymore. It is like they never happened. (Gordon Ferguson put it this way "JUSTIFIED" Just as if I'd - never sinned). And the same w/ my dates. I believed them to be pure women of God. as if they had never sinned.
My values? No Sex Till Marriage. My image? On a date I would make every effort to not be alone w/ her or alone w/ her as little as possible because I wanted my image to not be tainted .
ONE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIPS
Well, this is just me and to be successful you should seek the counsel of many advisors. I am only one person. Oh yeah, one more thing, have people in your life who you talk to after your dates!
In unity w/ love, Byron
This was beautifully said...this comes from someone who has been married now 16 years and 14 of them have now been in the kingdom. We had a very worldly relationship and a lot of it had to change in the "Kingdom" being that it wasn't pure....I am so glad we have sights like this and testomonies like yours and mine to help others better understand that there is great hope in the "kingdom" though we still may fail...God is the hope and source of our strength.....All that matters is that we aim to please "Him" and allow yourself to be who you are, no matter what. God took you in that way....Let God transform you and let others "brothers" help with the transformation. Listen to the wisdom that God has instilled in Byron to express....they are VERY good. We need to be WHO we ARE but, with the gentleness that God has used on us, to TRANSFORM us into the "new" person we are today. see ya YSIC Rebecca
Aron,
I suggest reading books and maturing your intellect as well. Be sure to have some interests that exist outside the relationship and outside the church.
Knowing what is going on in the world is also part of being well-rounded. Keep up on current events; they can be great conversation starters.
I would also suggest NOT looking at dating as a means to an end. The reason I say that is because we do project what we are thinking inside. I struggle with looking at every possible relationship as if I'm looking for a wife. I think that I emit an invisible signal that sometimes repels people! LOL!!! 
|
|
